On a Ty-rade

And no, I didn't spell that wrong. I allude to none other than Miss Thing, Tyra Banks, and the latest installment of America's Next Top Model. Some classic vignettes from this week's episode...

1. I never thought I'd see the day when...they eliminated someone for being NOT FAT ENOUGH. That's right, y'all. Sarah got booted for her lack of booty (though if it were a knock-knee competition, she would've given Tyra a run for her miz-oney). "Noted fashion photographer" Nigel Barker began setting up the coup d'eclair two episodes ago, asking Sarah if she'd lost weight...where, in a surreal modeling moment, she was made to feel ashamed for LOSING weight. Then, this week, the producers had her dress in some unfortunate shorts-plus-heels ensemble (something from the Battle of Wounded Knock-Knee collection) and had Tyra do a little model "Mapquest" to illustrate the "Your are Here" to Sarah. The red map arrow was pointing to an unspecified location between the land of anorexic models and the land of plus-size models. (I think the land was maybe "normal weight," bit can't be sure). SORRY, SARAH.

2. On the flip side...Who said ANTM doesn't follow the fairness doctrine of "equal time?" If normal weight gals were going to get a plug, then surely the school of starvation deserves some air time! Ever-egalitarian, ANTM gave us Heather's much more model-realistic storyline of don't eat all day, go to an Enrique Iglesias music video shoot, dress like a vampire slut, dance around in latex and full makeup in a basement meat locker and just TRY not to pass out. I'll take "sho 'nuff passing out for $1,000," Alex! Rightio! Heather was down for the count, but luckily got some oxygen, IV fluids and a banana. I think she was cool with the O2, but surely will be trying to burn off that damn IV fluid (loaded with calories!) and banana (carbs!) for days.

3. Wall and crawl...But perhaps the BEST segment of Sunday's episode was Tyra's Master Class in workin' the wall and fierce-ifying the crawl. Notice how brilliant Tyra is - giving all the gals nude-colored leotards and hose while she dons a slimming black number with sarong-style skirt. And lord knows the knobby knees had to be PROTECTED with knee pads! Everyone got some! Tyra demo'ed the difference between a hootchified wall maneuver and a classy/sexy one. She polished some hardwoods with a "model flirty" crawl versus a "skanky hooker" slide. I give the models ALL THE CREDIT for keeping straight faces throughout. You go, girls!

ANTM Question of the Week: What is hiding inside J. Alexander's afro?